Saturday, March 04, 2006
Cessation: Transformation In Progress. . .
DivaFlava is about to undergo a somewhat radical metamorphosis. For the most part, DF as some of you have previously known it will cease to exist. Though I will continue to write about various aspects of my life and times, the focal point of the remix will change (as has my life), mos def. A sort of paradigm shift, if you will.
This is my last post before the new beginning. Alpha and omega to occur within the next 45 days ... exactly and approximately!
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Reflection: On Living
"The Master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence in whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both."
–Zen Philosophy
I am striving.
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Genesis: Happy New Year!
Shall I wax poetic about my successes and failures of 2005? Shall I inscribe my hopes and dreams for 2006? I shall not. The resolutions will not be televised. Rather, I will simply thank God for all that I am this day. For it was He who kept me through all the years. And it is He who has blessed me to see another.
Thank you to all who visited with me in 2005.
Here's wishing 2006 will be our best year yet!
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Monday, October 17, 2005
Randomness: Mixed Masala Is Cookin'!
Well, sort of. I still haven't gotten my MixedMasala.com domain sorted yet (don't ask) and I am beyond tired of waiting. So, for the meantime, I've set up a temp foodie blog here. Not much goin' on there at the moment, as I haven't actually gone public yet, and it's not completed, but for those who may be interested, I have posted a couple of entries. Just so you know.
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Ramdomness: Don't Let The Door Knob Hit Cha, Rita - Bah Bye
Just a quickie to let everyone know that I'm alive and well and to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes. Sorry for taking so long to update, but all the hoopla surrounding the hurricane left me quite drained ... mentally, emotionally, physically and somewhat spiritually. It seems that after all was said and done, I found myself in sort of a funk, feeling tried, blue and uninspired. To be quite honest, after things blew over, I had no desire to hear or discuss anything having to do with storms and such, and I still don't, but I will give this brief summary.
To my surprise and utter disappointment, my friend and I ended up stuck here in Houston because of the horrendous traffic. I woke up Thursday morning ready to hit the road as planned. As soon as I turned on the news and saw that the traffic had gotten worse overnight, it became obvious that our chances of leaving were now worse than ever. Though I had been relatively calm all that week, I was in total shock when I realised that we weren't going anywhere. That we were stuck in Houston like sitting ducks in the path of what was at that time a Cat 5 storm. I FREAKED! It was one of the most stressful periods I've experienced in recent times. I thank God for my mother's ability to smack me back to my senses when I get out of control. She has this way of kickin' my butt and calming me at once. I love you, mommy. Thank you! :-)
A couple of friends had left at midnight for San Antonio and I was wishing that we had left then too, that is until I found out that it took them 23 hours to get there. It was a total mess. No need to elaborate on the traffic situation, as the new did a pretty good job, particularly CNN, reporting this awful event.
As the saying goes, "everything happens for a reason." I believe it. Though I was in an extreme state of panic about being stuck here, it turns out that this was exactly where I was supposed to be. We were on our way to Shreveport, LA (about 200 miles northeast of Houston), which we thought would be far enough away from the storm to be safe since, at the time, the storm was headed northwest. Well, as we all now know, the storm shifted some 150+ miles east and then changed direction to northeast. I'm sure you can do the math on that one. Needless to say, had my friend and I been able to carry out our plan, not only would we have been stuck in that horrible traffic, we would have experienced MUCH more of the storm in Shreveport.
The rest, as they say, is history. I have nothing more to say on the subject, except thank God for sparing us. Houston dodged a HUGE bullet and I pray God that we don't have that experience again in my lifetime.
Life is finally starting to get back to normal for me. Work is going well, though I've had to work some long hours the get caught up from being away three days because of the hurricane. Also, as of Monday, I picked up another country, Bahrain, which now makes three with Thailand and Sweden. I also picked up an international account of sorts that is not really a foreign country, per se, but requires the same accounting and analyses as the others. Since it's new, I don't quite understand exactly what it is, but my manager assures me that I should be able to handle it. I hope so.
I'm still working on getting MixedMasala.com up and running. Having a few issues transferring the domain to my current host, who by the way is slow as molasses in winter getting this thing completed. Hopefully things will be sorted within the next week. Still haven't finished designing the masthead and tweaking the layout yet, but I'm working on it. Since my CSS and PHP skills are rather weak at the moment, I'm not sure what the layout will look like. As time permits, I'm improving with CSS and gradually learning PHP, but it'll be a while before I master either, especially PHP. Actually, I'm not even sure I have a desire to master them, but I do want to have a good handle on them so that I can programme my site as I please with ease. My primary interests at the moment are in mastering the art of cooking well and food photography.
That's pretty much it for now. Hope all is well with everyone. I'll be around to see you guys as soon as I'm done catching my breath. Thanks again for all your prayers.
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Emergency: Evacuation Imminent
Just a quick note to let y'all know that I'mma about to be OUT! It appears that hurricane Rita is mad as hell and I, along with tens, perhaps hundreds of thousands of others, am gettin' the heck outta dodge. As you know, or should know by now, Texas, particularly Houston-Galveston is evacuating and I will definitely be included in that number. Hopefully, Houston will not sustain the level of damage and suffering that was unleashed on New Orleans and surrounding counties/parishes and the Mississippi and Alabama coasts a few weeks ago when Katrina rolled through like she owned the joint.
Currently, Rita the Diva (who has been tagged "Katrina's Big Sister" by the news media because of her massive size, strength and speed), now a 350-mile wide category 5 storm, with a 145-mile wide eye is packing winds of 175 mph and moving slowly northwest with a direct path in the line of Galveston, Clear Lake, Baytown, Houston proper, Missouri City, Sugar Land, Richmond/Rosenberg, Katy and beyond. Rather than go to Dallas, which is being bombarded as I write, I am headed northeast to Shreveport, LA, near the Arkansas border, approximately 200+ miles from H-Town. Not to worry, Shreveport is hundreds of miles north of New Orleans, Jefferson parish and other surrounding areas that were devastated in Katrina's wake.
It is currently 2:35 am Wednesday night/Thursday morning and all of the major freeways and many of the back-roads are still jammed. They are backed up as far as the eye can see ... and beyond. Most are moving around 5 to 10 mph, which means that a drive from Houston to Dallas, which is normally 3.5 to 4 hours, is taking between 8 to 10 hours. Now that is TOTALLY ridiculous!!! And the situation is not expected to get any better for at least the next 48 hours. As a matter of fact, authorities are predicting that it will only get worse. In my opinion, they need to shut down the entrance ramps of at least some of the southbound freeways and make those lanes contra flow. I heard on the news that they are bringing in troopers and possibly national guards to see if they can get this traffic moving. I certainly hope so!
It's been mass chaos all day in the Houston metroplex. As I said, our already overburdened freeways have been virtually paralyzed, crippled to a mind-boggling crawl, as those who have been mandatorily evacuated from Galveston and surrounding low-lying areas of southeast Texas make their way north to dodge the anticipated death-clutch of Rita's wrath. The city's evacuation plan, which was designed long before any knowledge of Rita unsolicited appearance, was to evacuate in phases to allow those in areas with the highest threat level to get out early and be out of the way of voluntary evacuees. In theory, this was supposed to stagger outbound traffic to a manageable pace, allowing the greatest number of people to exit as quickly and efficiently as possible.
Well, though people are slowly managing to get out, it's obvious that implementation of the plan is NOT going quite as smoothly as expected. Thousands of people from less-threatened areas have taken it upon themselves (who can really blame them?) to evacuate earlier than the city had planned. And this has only added plutonium-grade fuel to an already blazing-out-of-control transportation fire. There are even people who have been stuck in HOV (high occupancy vehicle) lanes for several hours. Needless to say, the authorities have decided to close those.
All the chaos notwithstanding, I must say, I am very glad to see that the majority are obviously heeding the numerous advanced warnings and willingly cooperating with the mandatory evacuation orders, if not exactly complying with the intended plan. A couple of positive insights were born out of the comedy of errors that was the Katrina experience. It exposed several glaring, severe weaknesses in the overall assessment and evacuation system and procedures at the federal, state and local levels. And with that, it appears that Houston's citizens and authorities have learned many invaluable, much-welcomed lessons from Katrina's example, chief among them ... get out EARLY!
And ... as if the traffic issues aren't enough, to add insult to injury, the fuel supplies of numerous gas stations throughout the entire Houston metro area have been literally depleted, albeit temporarily, by this mass exodus of anxious, stressed and fearful people. After waiting all day, a girlfriend I'm traveling with and I managed to find gas about an hour ago (1:45 am), so we're both filled up and ready to go. Thank God I was still awake at 1:30 watching the news when I heard the reporter say that a gas tanker had just filled up a station about 10 minutes from where I live. I called my girl, and needless to say ... we hauled arse!
Add to all of the above, the fact that phone LAN lines are now so jammed that many are unable to make and receive calls, and the mobile phone circuits have exceeded network capacities, rendering many cell phones useless. What a recipe for emotional disaster. Mix it all together and you have one HOT mess! I'm surprise folks haven't started fighting yet.
Isn't it ironic? Just about three weeks ago Houston so graciously became host to tens of thousands of Louisiana survivors/evacuees and now we are fleeing for our own lives. If things play out as projected, Miss Rita is expected to slam Galveston (possibly wiping it off the map entirely) and all areas within close proximity by nightfall on Friday. Meteorologists are predicting that the storm will continue northbound at approximately 12 mph, taking roughly 12 hours to completely pass through, and as her grand finale, Momma Rita is expected to deliver multiple tornado babies as she exits our now disconcerted city. I just pray to God that everyone makes it out in time and that we have homes to return to after all is said and done.
That's it for now. Gotta wrap up my packing and get a few hours of sleep. I'd like to head out now, but both my friend and I are just too exhausted to drive safely in the dark. I haven't even had as much as a nap since I got off work. I doubt very seriously that I'll have Internet access for the next few days, so this will be it for a while. As soon as I'm able, I'll be back with updates.
Grabbin' my six-pack of patience and rollin' out!
Please pray for us.
Namasté
P.S. Please forgive any errors and the disorganised composition of this post. No time to edit. I'm in a hurry so I'm typing as thoughts come to my mind. I just wanted to report the situation for those outside the Houston area who may not be receiving detailed news, and get this posted as quickly as possible before I leave. This was supposed to be just a short note, but I'm quite excited at the moment and got a bit carried away.
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Randomness: Miscellaneous Ramblings
Saturday morning is my favourite time of the week. Over the years I've developed a Saturday morning routine of sorts. Upon rising, I usually indulge in one of my favourite beverages (wine excepted, of course) - fruit-flavoured green tea (I'm partial to mango and peach) or a nut-infused latte (preferably hazelnut). My artificial stimulant of choice this morning? A triple hazelnut latte.
As I sit here butt-deep in PHP, CSS and MySQL with Fleetwood Mac in the background, my mind insists on drifting to thoughts of a missing CD. My place is all neat and tidy, but the case is still empty. My beloved Maxwell Embrya CD has gone missing and I have no idea where it is. Maybe it's been lifted or perhaps it's merely misplaced, hiding in the wrong case. Unfortunately for me, I have not the time or patience at the moment to flip through hundreds of CD containers in hopes of finding it, so Stevie Nicks will have to do.
On Food and Cooking
know-how; it comes from the heart, makes great
demands on the palate and needs enthusiasm
and a deep love of food to bring it to life.”
—Georges Blanc, Ma Cuisine des Saisons
My routine also includes watching my favourite cooking programmes; some I've watched for several months, others for a few years. My love of great food and the art of cooking well inspired me to finally purchase a couple of cookbooks that I've been thinking about for a few weeks now; a diverse selection of authentic Latin, Italian and Asian cuisine by three of my favourite chefs, whose shows I watch faithfully.
Daisy Cooks! by Daisy Martinez (Latin)
Lidia's Family Table by Lidia Bastianich (Italian)
Simply Ming by Ming Tsai (Asian & more)
Last week, I purchased subscriptions to these food magazines. I already have the September issue (below) of Food & Wine and I am well pleased. The Asian recipes, especially the Thai and Chinese, are absolutely fabulous!
Food & Wine
Bon Appetit
My excitement over having these precious gems included in my culinary arsenal is fueled by my life-long passion for luscious, savory foods and my fascination with uncommon recipes and the chefs who create them. The addition of these new books (magazines excluded) will bring my collection to about 23 and I intend to expand my cooking library as often as possible. Rest assured, once these babies are delivered I will be testing and photographing several recipes straight away. And I promise to share my results here until I get Mixed Masala up and running.
It is becoming quite clear that with all I have going on these days - enhancing my cooking skills, learing the art of food design and food photography, bringing myself up to speed with these new languages, increasing social engagements, personal maintenance, and keeping up with family, friends and my everyday life - the design phase of my projects will take a bit longer than I first thought. But hey, it's all good because I am definitely enjoying myself in the process.
Oh, gotta cut this short now. I just realised it's 12:55 pm and I have a 2 o'clock salon appointment.
Wishing everyone a beautiful, relaxing weekend.
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Randomness: What's Goin' On?
Technically, I'm still on hiatus, but I realised that today is September 15, the anniversary of my "unplugging from the ex." It's a good thing I celebrated this anniversary a couple of months ago (see previous post titled, "Happy Anniversary to Me") because I really don't have much to say regarding the ex. As I prepared for work this morning I thought about what I'd say and realised I had nothing. I pretty much said all there was to say in my previous post. The foremost thought that echoed through my mind was, "He's not worthy of my time or words. Period!" The only sadness I felt was when I realised how long it took for me to see that ... he never was. As I said before, I won't bash the brutha, but I thank God everyday that He lifted the haze of deception and guided me back to my senses. As the warm, soothing shower ushered the peach-scented lather from my body to the drain, my mind envisioned the memories of our grief-ridden past slowly melting away, following the trail of the lather. And with that, I decided that this will be the last time I mention him here. It's a new day and I have definitely turned a corner.
In other news:
Hurricane Katrina: I've written quite a few checks for the Katrina survivors and I'm so thankful to God that I am able. After I clean out my closets, I'll be donating lots of clothes and shoes (some of which still have tags on them) along with quite a few household items. As some of you know, I live in Houston and if you've been watching the news at all you know how my great city has opened it's arms to tens of thousands of Katrina survivors. No need to go into details about that since the news has done a pretty good job so far. The only thing I will say is, if you haven't already, please give what you can to help. I'm experiencing things firsthand, as the complex where my flat is located has taken in several survivors -- and the needs are MANY!
Computer Issues: My computer woes have come to an end. I now have a new system, Dell's Dimension 9100, that I've named Diva. My old computer is a Dimension 8100, and aside from the virus plague I encountered, it was a great, reliable system, so I decided to stick with Dell. This baby is FAST! I'm totally diggin' my new flat screen monitor. So far, I've loaded some of my software (it's so good to have Photoshop again) and I'll be loading the others and archiving data files, on an as needed basis, over the next few weeks. Note: I'm typing this on WordPad, as I haven't loaded MS Word yet, and this thing doesn't have spell check.
Site Goings On: I'm in the process of transferring DF to a new blogging programme whose functionality is much better than the one I'm currently using. Among other features, I'll be able to categorize all my posts, the site will be searchable by keyword, which will make it easier for readers to find things, and readers' comments will no longer disappear after three months. I'm so proud of myself. I actually loaded and configured the files to my web server all by myself and even set up a MySQL database. I already have a test version up and running and I'm in the process of designing a masthead (personal logo) for it. Since I need to upgrade my CSS and PHP skills, it'll be a minute before I can design a truly personalize layout like I'm used to, but I'll get there. In the meantime, I'm going with one of their basic templates and my customized masthead until I can get my *ish together.
As for MixedMasala.com (my new food site/blog), it won't be too much longer. I've decided to remain with my current host since they offer everything I need and more. All that's left to do now is transfer the domain, which I'll probably do before the week is over, and figure out how I want to format everything. I'll keep you posted.
At the Grind: Things are going well at the office. Not much mind- and body-draining overtime to speak of. Picked up another account, Sweden, about a month ago. So far, so good. I'm really getting the hang of things now and, with the exception of my strangely regressing Thailand account, my work life is a lot smoother these days. I have more time for me and mine, which makes this Mixed Masala Diva a happy woman.
Domestic Stuff: Remember those waaaaay-to-dayum-long To-Do lists? Well, I've gotten most of that crap under control. No more lamenting about feeling guilty about surfing the Web because I have all the housework hanging over my head. Ever since I put my foot on child self's neck and laid down the ground rules a couple of weeks ago, I've done wonders. Everything looks and smell so beautiful around here (I'm big on aromatherapy). It's amazing! Ninety percent of the major stuff is done. Now all I have left to do is clean out closets, wash windows, clean the oven -- you know, the hard stuff that you only do once every quarter or so. I am well please with my progress.
Cooking is going well. Since I'm still in the weight-loss phase of my journey (more on this later), I've decided to allow myself one day a week to indulge my fancy for the gourmet. Until I get Mixed Masala up and running, I'll be posting pics here for those who are interested.
Personal: I have met (and am meeting) some beautiful people. The only thing I'll say, for now, is that things are lookin' good! *wink* And I expect that they'll get greater later.
That's pretty much it for now. As I said, I'm still on hiatus until sometime mid to late October, but I'll pop in from time to time with updates.
Take care, everyone.
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Expression: Mixed Masala Loves Her Veggies
My mood was for something light and healthy with restaurant taste, but I didn’t feel like dining out. And I definitely didn’t feel like doing a lot of cooking after a full week, so I decided to stop by the market on the way home from the office to pick up some veggies for a quick and easy salad with homemade dressing.
After a quick bit of washing, chopping, rolling, squeezing and food processing, I ended up with this delicious combination of mixed baby greens – radicchio, frisee, arugula, red leaf lettuce, Belgian endive, and spinach (which can be purchased in premixed bags), vine ripened tomatoes, avocado, onions, cilantro and albacore tuna. The finale was a flavourful Mango Sesame dressing, I’m proud to say I prepared myself, served with a nice, crusty French loaf. The dressing was amazing, bursting with flavour. The tiny bits of garlic, ginger and cilantro coalesce ever so perfectly with the sesame and mango in a synchronized dance on the palate. This afternoon I realised that this dressing tastes even better the next day and is excellent for dipping with crusty bread. I think it’ll also make a great topping for grilled or broiled salmon (or other fish), which is exactly how I plan to use it the next time I make salmon. Here’s the basic recipe, which I tweaked to accommodate my personal taste and love of garlic and hot spices.
Mango Sesame Salad Dressing
1 large garlic clove, thickly sliced
2 tsp. coarsely chopped ginger
Salt, black pepper and Tabasco or other hot sauce to taste
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh cilantro or basil
1 tsp. Honey
Juice of 1 lime
1 medium ripe mango, peeled and cubed
1 Tbsp. rice wine vinegar
1 Tbsp. sesame oil
1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
1/4 cup cold water
Place all ingredients in a food processor or blender and process until smooth. Keep dressing refrigerated in a tightly-sealed jar until ready to use. Kept this way the dressing will last up to 1 week.
Note: I pretty much doubled all of the ingredients, except for the mango. I used 1/4 cup (4 Tbsp.) of olive oil instead of 1 Tbsp. of vegetable oil, cilantro instead of basil, and a Thai chile sauce (Sriracha is my favourite) instead of Tabasco. I also didn’t add any water.
Because my photography skills require a bit of work, the photos didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped, and I didn’t have a photo-worthy dish for the dressing so that image was simply awful. But hopefully you get the idea. I know the lighting was a bit off, but I’m sure if the image of the salad is fuzzy because of my hand moving or because my digi-cam is an Olympus D490 Zoom, an older 2.1 megapixel model, which was actually a pretty tight camera in it’s day (circa 2001). It may even be that I’ve been reduced to using PhotoImpact to size my photos instead of my trusty PhotoShop. In time my images should start to look better as I learn to steady my hand (or maybe get a tripod) and improve my technique. They'd better because I don’t plan on buying a new digi-cam anytime soon, well not this year anyway. My computer problems are becoming more severe and now I’m having major issues uploading images to my site server and even via Blogger, so I may end up purchasing a new computer soon. We’ll see.
My initial thoughts for the weekend were to cook more this evening and try my hand at more photos, but a couple of friends and I have planned a little food-shopping outing at Central Market tomorrow afternoon. I’ve decided to get all of my cleaning and other stuff out of the way today so that when I get back from the market I can create something fabulous. And since “child self” has been a pretty good girl lately, I think I’ll pick up a nice wine to complement the meal. Yeah, I think she deserves a treat!
That said, I’ll probably be back soon.
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Expression: Mixed Masala Cooks!
Last week I purchased new cookware and this evening I got busy with my cute little cooking companion. *wink* For my first meal to christen my new digs, I chose two of my favourite Punjabi (Indian) dishes, Sag Gosht and Spicy Basmati Rice (recipes to follow). I even blew the dust off of my digi-cam for the occasion and snapped a couple to preserve the moment. The pics aren’t that fancy, yet, but gimme a minute! (Click images to enlarge.)
I have no idea what possessed me to photograph an empty frying pan. Perhaps I'm just smitten with my shiny new skillet. Then again, there was Merlot involved.
I absolutely adore spices and herbs. Here we have some of the ingredients of the main dish. On the plate are your garden-variety onions, garlic, jalapenos, cilantro and ginger. In the bowl to the left are a few Indian spices – curry, coriander, garam masala, turmeric, paprika and cumin. Cloves, bay leaves, mustard seeds, cinnamon sticks and cardamom pods are in the top bowl.
Voila!
Note: I hadn’t finished the Spicy Basmati Rice at the time I was in photo-taking mode so there aren’t any and I’m too lazy to bother with it now. Perhaps next time.
I’ve desperately needed new cookware for quite a while, so I finally got off my arse and bought ‘em. I’ve grown quite tired of using less-than-desirable cookware for several reasons. For one, I’m concerned about possible food contamination from cooking with pots and skillets that have become overly worn and/or damaged to the point that the non-stick coating had started to come undone (I know, shame on me). Also, I’m tired of the uneven cooking that results from using poor quality utensils.
Though I'm a culinary master in my own mind, I do realise that in reality I'm merely an aspiring, in-my-own-kitchen gourmet chef (for now), so I’m not sure how consistent I’ll be with my creations. This being the case, I didn’t want to spend too much on cookware until I’m sure I’m going to stick with it, so I purchased a very affordably priced, 8-piece, tri-ply 18/10 stainless steel set by Chefmate and their larger, 12-inch skillet. And lemme tell ya, these babies are straight coolness! I also bought chef knives and a few other utensils. Once I’ve become more “seasoned,” I’m thinking of adding some Sur La Table and All-Clad pieces (which are considerably more expensive) to my culinary arsenal.
By the way, it’s official. I’ve decided to start a food site/blog. I’ve run across quite a few surfing the Web and I started thinking that since I’ve always had a passion for spicy, flavourful, great-tasting food and I love to cook (what some might consider “gourmet-style” food), I might as well learn to do it well and write about it in the process. Many of my family members, friends and co-workers love the salads and entrees I prepare, some even think I’m talented. I’m not so sure about being all that talented when it comes to food, but what I do know for sure, with absolute certainty, is that I enjoy cooking. A lot!
I registered the domain name last weekend. Mixed Masala.com. I haven’t set it up with a host yet, but that’ll be next. I’m still deciding whether to changed hosts and transfer Diva Flava to the new spot or set up Mixed Masala with my current host. I’m really excited about my new project so I'm sure I’ll decide pretty soon. I haven’t started designing the layout yet, but I have quite a few ideas floatin’ around up there. All I need to do now is have my computer “de-virused,” which shouldn’t be much longer since I now have someone to do it for me. Once that’s all sorted, it’s on!
Namasté
P.S. I’m still on hiatus, but I just couldn’t resist popping in to share a couple of the things I’ve been up to.
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Randomness: Summer Break
As can be seen by the date of my last post, I’ve been on an unplanned hiatus of sorts the past few weeks. Though I’m still journaling offline, I’ve not been in a “public” blogging mood lately (still not), so I’ve decided to make it official and just take the rest of the summer off from DF. Still working on achieving past goals and setting new ones. Got a couple of things in the works at the moment that I'm quite excited about and once they’ve come to fruition, I’ll be back. Not quite sure exactly when that’ll be, but I’m thinking sometime around mid-October.
Life is mellow, and I’ve got a feelin’ it’ll get greater later. I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time, particularly this past year. I’m enjoying the summer and the beautiful things and people life is bringing my way. If all goes as planned, I will definitely have something to say when I return. *wink*
In the meantime, have a great summer and remember to be true to you! See you in a couple of months – exactly and approximately…
Namasté
P.S. During my time away I managed to get a handle on my unruly child self. Things are going well. *smile*
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Randomness: More Jumbled Thoughts and Semiconscious Ramblings
This entry will probably be more like mental conversations with myself, as I have no real topic of discussion and I’m not particularly focused on any one thing at the moment. I’m having yet another lazy Saturday morning, enjoying a coffee (home brewed French roast, large, very strong with hazelnut and real cream; just the way I like it), watching my favourite cooking programmes, piddling about ... basically ignoring all the chores and errands that are staring me in the face this weekend; an obvious manifestation of the quintessential prima donna I've allowed myself to become over the past few weeks (except for at the office). Speaking of work, this week was the first in the past month or so that I’ve worked only 40 hours. No overtime for a change, though that may very well change in coming weeks. The extra money is nice and all, but I’m in a season of my life where I prefer doing other things with my time. Simply put, I need more me time these days to work on my issues.
I need to confront my little girl self and persuade her to address her unyielding propensity towards avoidance behaviour. This unruly child within has overindulged her affinity for pleasurable and entertaining activities to the point that she now finds herself firmly entrenched in a state of perpetual procrastination. Instead of allowing the wise woman self to guide her away from this pattern of slothful behaviour, she seems hell-bent on pursing the path of least resistance. Lately, she seems to have developed the self-defeating habit of doing only those things she fancies, with little to no regard for what needs to be done. Needless to say, this often turns out to be a senseless waste of time on a tremendous amount of nothing.
Note to Adult Self: Slothfulness, as you well know, is one of the seven deadly sins. You really must get this sorted before it becomes your undoing. Also, child self has had way too much coffee this morning. STOP!
Like right now, she’s been awake and up since 8 this morning and the only thing she’s accomplished so far is, hmmm, let's see … nothing! And it’s not like she’s wiped out or anything. She’s feeling pretty darn good and quite well rested, actually. But instead of waking up and attacking her ever-growing “To Do” list this morning (the usual Saturday plan), she’s sitting here at 10 a.m. writing about nothing. Jus’ chillin’ while her imaginary live-in servants, chef, chauffeur, trainer and personal shopper go about the business of cleaning the kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room, dining room; mopping and vacuuming; doing laundry; cooking her favourite meals; washing, deep-conditioning and styling her hair; giving her a facial; transporting her to the salon for a much-needed pedicure; detailing her car, inside and out; taking the car in for new tires; motivating her to workout out at the gym; shopping for her shoes and clothes; buying the shirt and ties that she promised her dad a month ago; going to the post office to mail them… Get the idea?
Could it be that she subconsciously believes all this stuff will suddenly get done by osmosis if she thinks about it long enough and concentrates hard enough? Surely she knows better than that … doesn’t she? Of course she does. She just hasn’t quite figured out why she lacks the motivation to get this stuff done. True, she’s still a part-time procrastinator when it comes to doing things she doesn’t enjoy, but it’s never been quite this bad, except when she’s depressed about something, and that isn’t the case (to my knowledge) at the moment. Quite honestly, she has tended to put off doing “less-than-desirable” activities most of her life, as it happens, and I distinctly remember her mom having to stay on her a** constantly about that *ish while she was growing up. But even so, somehow she’s always managed to get things done.
Might I say in her defense (Ut oh, here we go!), I believe her logic-defying behaviour of late is, in part, a holdover from working so many hours during the past few weeks. By the time Friday rolled around, she’d be so wound up and burned out that she’d stay up later than usual trying to unwind and then end up sleeping in really late on Saturday. And even though she’d sleep for 8 to 10 hours, I don’t think she slept particularly well because she’d wake up feeling like crap. I think she was stressing in her sleep, and though she very rarely remembers her dreams, I believe she may have been having subtle nightmares about the fiasco that occurred a couple of weeks ago with one of the foreign accounts she manages. Thanks a lot, Thailand. Surely her life would have been less than complete without the 80+ hours of additional work that you so effortlessly imposed upon her due to your gross negligence.
Oh, dayum! I just realised that this post has devolved into nothing more than a ranting session. All I’m actually doing is whining and snitching, on myself of all people; something I find myself doing much too often these days. (I wonder what’s driving that bus!) Let me shut this *ish down straightaway ‘cause this definitely is not how I get down; well, not usually anyway. Besides, I’m starting to develop a slight headache from thinking about all this negative crap and I can feel myself gradually sliding into a melancholy mood. I need to back up, regroup, and adjust my attitude and thinking.
Wake up, Diva! Your little girl self has already wreaked way too much havoc in your life and now she’s jeopardising all your latest hard work. It’s time for your sensible woman self to emerge, take control, and force that whiney, self-absorbed heffa to stand down so you can handle your business.
As Mos Def would say, “Let’s get it goin’.”
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Digression: Looks Like Stella Is Waiting to Exhale
I think this particular brand of nonsense is fragrantly foul...on several levels.
Terry McMillan's Epilogue to 'Groove' Affair
While I’ve preferred older men most of my life, even more so in my younger days, I will admit that I have issues with age when it comes to serious, long-term relationships with younger men (more than a couple of years). Now I’m not suggesting that relationships between older women and younger men can never work long-term (I do realise that there are odd exceptions) or that the flip is necessarily better, per se. I’m merely saying, look at the odds and do the math. I’m a firm believer in doing whatever you deem is right for you, and if rollin’ with the young blood happens to be your thang, then more power to ya. I’ve given it a go, against my better judgement, and the experiences served to reinforce my initial position...I'm just not down with it. And I’ve definitely learned my lessons about going against my better judgment, particularly when it come to relationships. As a result, the rules of engagement have clearly changed for me. My current motto is: Play with kids your own age!
Because I have experienced being “caught up” with a younger man (11 years) and I certainly understand the skepticism, doubt, uneasiness, and so on, which sometimes accompanies such arrangements, part of my heart goes out to Terry. And I’m not even going to address the bomb that dude dropped on a sistah (it’s in the story), except to say, that mess was straight WRONG and in my mind, totally inexcusable.
But on the other hand, I must say that from the onset I thought that hook-up was a bit absurd. I wonder what was on girlfriend's mind when she made that decision. I think I have an idea, and if it's what I'm thinking, all I can say is there's a huge difference between having a bit of fun and games with a fine young brutha for a minute and becoming disillusioned to the point of taking it to the altar. I mean, seriously, other than the obvious, what would an emotionally and mentally stable, 21-year-old man-child who, as my mom used to say, "ain't got a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of" possibly want, especially long-term, with a 44-year-old woman who’s easily old enough to be his momma?!
And more importantly, what would a realistic, professional, educated, life-experienced, self-respecting 44-year-old woman in her right mind expect him to want with her? I just don't get it. Granted, How Stella Got Her Groove Back was an entertaining book/movie, albeit rather unrealistic, but it seems that Ms. McMillan unwittingly merged the boundaries of fiction and reality in her personal life to her own detriment. My initial thought after I first watched the movie was that it only told the beginning of the story, one that I am not surprised to see end this way.
Smart women, foolish choices. We all make them from time to time, some of us more than others. Be it consciously or in a state of unawareness, we all, at some point(s) in our lives make choices and decisions that are contrary to our own best interest. When will we learn? When will we come to a place where we recognise that, in the final analysis, we are soley responsible and accountable for our own actions and stop blaming others for the consequences of our foolish choices, decisions and behaviours? Yes, there are those times when we find ourselves in situations or dealing with circumstances that are truly beyond our control, but when I decided to really get honest with myself about my life and where I am, I came to realise that those times, more often than not, are the exception rather than the rule. As result of accepting this truth, I am learning to stop making excuses and am making every effort to raise the level of my game.
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Reflection: Happy Anniversary to Me!
I remember times from back in the day when people used to school their children. I mean a time when the older adults would talk to their kids and other kids on the block about life, imparting knowledge and offering precious nuggets of sage advice. As a young girl growing up in the neighbourhood, one of many truisms I distinctly remember being told on numerous occasions was, “Time brings about change, baby. Keep livin’, you’ll see.” Well, I have now lived long enough to testify … they were absolutely right!
It’s been nearly a year since I pulled the plug on the love relationship with my ex. Ten months, actually, but I decided to celebrate early. I don’t quite know what has come over me, but I woke up feeling particularly well rested and quite joyful this morning. I was doing typical Diva things - having my Sunday morning triple hazelnut latte (God bless Starbucks), contemplating fragrances and lipstick shades, listening to smooth jazz and Luther, doing laundry as I cleaned my flat, making lists, monitoring my goals, organising myself physically and mentally - when I realised that this one-year milestone is coming. I remember thinking, “Wow, soon it’ll be a year since I eliminated the ex factor from my life.” And it occurred to me that life is better for me now (on several levels) than it’s been in years ... and it’s getting better everyday! I’m feeling so hopeful about my future and overwhelmingly grateful that I not only survived what seemed at the time to be one of the most difficult emotional periods of my life, but I am actually thriving and enjoying life more and more each day.
As I started thinking about why and when I write, I began to realise that for the past four years or so my motivation to write has come mainly from pain. Then I remembered that this was the case for a good bit of my writing throughout my entire life, which is probably why my writing was/is so sporadic. Now I’ve known for quite some time that I use writing as a release during times of seemingly unbearable emotional pain and stress. That’s no secret. But I also remembered that there have been quite a few times when I have written (mostly poetry) out of joy, and then it occurred to me that I usually write pseudo-creatively when I’m experiencing extreme emotions. I thought to myself, surely I should be able to glean inspiration to write from sources other than extreme emotions. Well, today my emotions are not out of kilter; I’m not feeling either extreme, and guess what? For the first time in a long while I feel like writing, and while it may not be my best writing (I believe my best is yet to come), I know that writing is what I must do this day.
As the thoughts flooded my mind, something within me cried out, “I need to write! I need to write! I need to write!” So I said to myself, “I’ll start pre-writing my September 15 'Anniversary' post now while I’m inspired so I don’t forget all of these thoughts and feelings later.” While writing, I realised … these are the thoughts I am having today, this is my blog, and I call the shots, so I don’t have to wait until September 15. When I’m done writing today, I can post it and write about whatever I think and feel on September 15 when that time comes.
It’s so amazing how differently I view life these days, particularly my own. Through all the trials and tribulations of the past year and weathering the extremely painful storm of “de-ex-ing,” I've gained a completely new perspective. Now, I won’t speak ill of the ex since we have managed to maintain a relationship, albeit on a different level, and are, at the moment, still in semi-regular contact (we never completely lost contact, actually – imagine that!), but I will say this: I am sooooo very grateful that God woke a sistah up! Amen?!
After the demise of the relationship, I remember being totally depleted and feeling so utterly devastated that I could barely function … literally! For weeks I couldn’t even make it through my workdays without succumbing to the tears that flowed from the excruciating pain of my broken heart. For a very long time, not a day went by that I didn’t cry at some point as I grieved my perceived loss. (I had no idea at the time that it was all a blessing in disguise.) I didn’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, or any other time for that matter, and there were actually times when I didn’t even know if I would be able to rise above the agony. In my mind, my situation seemed so hopeless that I began to feel as if I didn’t want to be here anymore.
Hearing songs that were once my favourites became a sickening, unbearable experience. Seeing photos of him/us sent me into crying spells that would sometimes last for hours. There was even a period of about three months immediately following the break-up where I couldn’t even drive my normal work route or anyplace we had been during the many, many times we had spent together here in Houston without crying my heart out. Even seeing the freeway sign “I-45 North Dallas” made me sick to my stomach; I had driven that route a few times to visit him in Ft. Worth. When I think about it, it’s a bit funny because I now drive that same stretch of I-45 pretty often without giving it a second thought.
Though I didn’t realise it at the time, I believe the healing process actually began when I allowed myself to honestly experience all of my emotions – the good, the bad and the ugly – and embrace them without attempting to extinguish the ones that caused me to feel sad or uncomfortable. Writing about them, as I sometimes did in previous posts here, helped tremendously, too. After that, I prayed, gave all my pain over to God, and allowed Him to continue healing me everywhere I hurt. I don’t remember exactly when it was that I stopped crying about signs and songs and photos and streets and places, but I do remember that during the first week of March I became aware of the fact that my heart no longer ached for him, for us, and I no longer thought of him on a daily or regular basis. I had finally stopped forgetting that we weren’t in love anymore. Of course there were a few up-and-down times between then and now, but for the most part, my heart-mind reconciliation was a done deal … and I knew! Since then it’s just been a matter of wrapping up the loose ends and letting life flow in its natural rhythm.
I can truly say, as Zora Neale Hurston so cleverly phrased it, “I done been in sorrows kitchen and licked out ALL the pots.” [Emphasis added.] Yes, indeed! In a way, I think that quote, and the fact that I relate so completely with it, provided the catalyst I needed to put this part of me into words. When I heard those words while watching Zora Is My Name! last weekend, I remember thinking, “I’m feelin’ that. That’s me! I.am.feelin’.that!” At that moment, I knew I would soon write from that brief, yet epiphanic experience.
What a difference a year makes. Today, I have moved beyond the sorrow and released the regrets; no more pondering what could have, would have, should have been. Life is no longer about him, or us, or we … it’s all about me. I am now able to better understand the details, circumstances, and reasons for those experiences. That each was an essential element of the complex whole that is the grand scheme of my life. My view is much clearer from my new perspective and it looks like pretty smooth sailing from here.
Namasté to me!
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Randomness: Jumbled Thoughts and Semiconscious Ramblings
Today’s post is a bit unusual for me. Not quite “free writing,” but totally disorganised and perhaps a bit more directly candid than I’ve been in quite some time. I mean, I don’t normally open up so much here at DF. Though part of me has often wanted to, I’ve only rarely been able to bring myself to do so. There have been times when I’ve shared more of my life than usual, but not many.
I’m in a pseudo-funky mood today. Not really that deep, but just a bit pissy. Don’t know why, really, I just am. No one has done anything to me and I have several reasons to be grateful, and I am grateful, but I’m in one of those moods that I just feel like unleashing a few things, though I probably won’t. Problem is, I’m quite uncomfortable doing so online. Plus, I’m thinking this mood will soon pass and I wouldn’t want to find myself regretting something I’d written here while in this state. And since I decided that I would no longer deal in regrets, a lesson from my last failed relationship, I know I shouldn’t go there. Nevertheless, I have a strong urge to just do it anyway.
Digression: I just realised that I may be in this mood for a couple of reasons. I’m a bit pissed at myself for not doing some of the things I know I should be doing right now instead of sitting here writing this. Uhm, I guess the correct term would be procrastination, huh? Or avoidance behaviour, perhaps? Another probable reason is that I wasn’t truthful with my ex when I spoke with him last night. He felt that I didn’t want to talk to him since he had called several times this past week and left messages, but I hadn’t gotten back to him. I told him that wasn’t the case, when in fact, he had actually nailed it. I really hadn’t wanted to talk to him this past week and was just ignoring his calls. I should have just owned up to it. I so dislike experiencing cognitive dissonance.
I think the main reason I don’t do it is that, while the major force of my personality leads me to be pretty friendly and reasonably open and outgoing, part of me is quite private and reserved, and I tend to be a bit guarded at times, particularly with people I’m not fond of and especially those I get negative vibes from. Another reason (excuse depending on how you view it) I feel a need to be somewhat restrained here is that my family knows about this site, as well as a couple of people who would probably be offended and perhaps shocked if they knew some of my true, private thoughts about them. Yeah, I could use fictitious names, etc., for the sake of tact and diplomacy, but they’re not stupid; they’d be able to figure it out. More often than not, the majority of my writing would be about my life and me, and other people would only be mentioned to the extent that they impact my life, be it negatively or positively.
Yet another reason is that I’ve read a lot of blogs where folks have gotten so candid that it made me wonder if they were sane. My ex used to do that and I though it was ridiculous, not to mention creepy. I just don’t see the point really, though I realise it’s not necessarily "for me" to get the point of someone else’s blog.
Now the odd thing is, everything I’ve said notwithstanding, another part of me still has this deep urge to just go for it, get raw. Okay, not really raw, since that’s usually not my style, but you get the idea. As much as I enjoy creative writing (though I’m not the best at it), particularly in the third person, sometimes I just wanna write whatever comes to my head exactly the way I get it, well almost exactly. I mean, sometimes I just feel like writing about the things I think, feel and experience without having to edit and polish my *ish…like now. I long to just write openly for me without consideration for what others might think or who may or may not be offended, because after all, I would only write my truth. Unfortunately, I think some of my regular readers would probably be left gasping for breath if they actually got a real, “unfoggy” glimpse into my mental window. Reminds me of something my ex told me a couple of weeks ago. He said he much more enjoys talking to me and seeing me than getting the “watered down” version from my blog. I have to say, he’s correct in his description. While everything I write here truly is me, what I write definitely does not, by any stretch, represent the totality of who I am.
I.am.so.much.more.
To be continued…
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Randomness: My Tongue Is Stressed Out
–Zora Neale Hurston
I couldn't describe the last 10 months of my life (and this past week) any better if I tried. Been one hellava ride! But now it's the weekend, baby, and I got a three-day pass from the
Happy 4th, er'body!
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Acknowledgement: Congratulations, Venus!
Diva of Wimbledon 2005
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Friday, July 01, 2005
Lamentation: Words Cannot Express...
...the profound sadness I feel for the loss of this wonderful, beloved man. Rest well, Luther. I miss you already, dear heart.
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Monday, June 27, 2005
Randomness: I Am Such A Blog Slacker!
I know I’ve been neglecting this blog lately, particularly in light of the fact that I just returned from a 131-day hiatus. I just don’t know what to say. I guess I’m just not that into DivaFlava at the moment, well not the blog anyway. I realised just how much I lack the desire to write here when I found myself posting my “To Do” list last weekend. Now that’s pretty dayum bad!
Lately I’ve been getting myself psyched up to work my fitness programme so that I can transform my physical self, something I’ve been wanting to do for nearly two years now. I started this project (yes, I’m also one of my projects) back in April 2003 and by June 2004 I had lost 51 pounds. Unfortunately, for various reasons that I won’t go into here (some of you already know what they were), I stopped my programme in September 2004 and hadn’t done anything since ... until now. Not only that, but between then and mid-May of this year, I regained 20 of those pounds.
Well, things seem to finally be coming together for me in this area and I’ve been focusing quite a bit on that. The good news is that since May 22 I’ve already lost 12 of those pounds and I only have 8 to go till I get back to where I was last summer. Though I haven’t started blogging at The Art of Balance (my other site) again yet, I have been journaling offline quite a bit, making plans, setting goals and monitoring my progress. I need to somehow combine the two sites to make it easier for myself, since blogging in two places is a pain for me, not to mention that I’ve grown tired of how this place looks and, as much as I love the song that's playing here, I’m sick and tired of hearing it now. I need to redesign DF with multiple topics/categories capability, among other features. I just haven’t been into designing lately and I’ve been quite lazy about installing and learning a new blogging system, but it looks like I’m going to have to do it if I want to continue maintaining DF and AOB.
I just haven’t been feeling like writing lately either, particularly creatively. Now that I’m finally starting to get my groove back with my fitness programme, that’s all I’m really interesting in writing about and I find that journaling about my programme is more like reporting than writing. Plus, it occurred to me that the only way I’ll have something to “report” is to be about the business of workin’ my plan. Hopefully, after "Project Diva Overhaul" is fully under way and as my progress continues, my writing/reporting will become more interesting, but my main focus at the moment is working on me. I really don’t mean to come across as totally self-absorbed, but hey … it is what it is. Right?
Hope everyone is having a beautiful week. I’ll be around to see you guys this week. Promise!
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Randomness: Takin’ Care of Business
those who thought and never did, and
those who did and never thought."
—John Charles Salak
To Do List - Week of 18-24 Jun 2005*
· Workout, gym, weights (3 sessions)
· Sun, 19 Jun (morning)
· Mon, 20 Jun (evening)
· Wed, 22 Jun (evening)
· Run/training programme - (3 sessions)
· Sun, 19 Jun (morning, week 2, day 3)
· Tue, 21 Jun (morning), week 3, day 1)
· Thu, 23 Jun (morning), week 3, day 2)
· Yoga (5 sessions)
· Mon, 20 Jun (morning)
· Tue, 21 Jun (evening)
· Wed, 22 Jun (morning)
· Thu, 23 Jun (evening)
· Fri, 24 Jun (morning)
· Meditation (daily as needed)
· Wash/deep condition/set hair
· Manicure
· Pedicure
· Facial
·
·
·
·
·
·
· Vacuum living room/dining/hall
· Clean bedroom
· Vacuum bedroom
·
·
·
· Unpack boxes/books
·
· Clean car inside/outside
·
·
· Library drop off/pick up
·
· Photograph food
·
· Package meals for next week
*Strikethrough indicates completed task.
Now, lets see just how much of this actually gets done, shall we?
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Reflection: Free Your Mind, The Rest Will Follow
and emotional transformation."
—Jon Kabat-Zinn
What a concept! A most appropriate quote for me today, indeed. After the week I’ve had, I sorely needed reminding of the importance and absolute necessity of undergoing the process set forth in this quote. I'm getting there. Transformation in progress. . .
Mood
Reflective, laid-back, hopeful.
Current Mind/Soul Feed
Lions Don't Need to Roar - Debra A. Benton
Body for LIFE for Women - Pamela Peeke, MD
Soul Stories - Gary Zukav
Proverbs - The Bible
Eargasms – Current Rotation
Acoustic Soul – India.Arie
The Very Best of John Coltrane
Confidential – Peter White
Monsoon Wedding – Mychael Danna
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Delectation: Puttin’ It Down, Punjabi Style
I mentioned in my last post that I enjoy foreign films tremendously, and since I first watched Monsoon Wedding a little over four months ago (and at least 20 times since), I’ve been stuck on Punjabi music. After work yesterday, I stopped by Borders to browse and have a latte and decided to check the music section to see if they had the Monsoon Wedding soundtrack. I didn’t expect it to be there since the CD has been out for about four years and it’s not your typical music genre, but what could it hurt to look, right? Well, lo and behold, there it was, just sitting right there as if it had been waiting for me all this time. I was quite pleasantly surprised to say the least.
I had been thinking about ordering it from Amazon, but with all that’s been going on lately, I just never got around to it. Well, I’ve been listening to it almost non-stop since last night. I don’t know what it is about this music, but I just can’t seem to get enough of it. I think this is probably the type of music you either love or hate, and I just happen to love it. I’ve been attracted to Indian music for several years now, but it was mainly the low-key, laid-back type that I use for meditation and relaxation. Then, about five years ago, I discovered the breathtaking music of Alice Coltrane (wife of the late, great John Coltrane), an interesting and soothing blend of jazz and traditional Indian/Eastern music. I was immediately hooked. And now it’s Punjabi that has my heart.
I am totally in love with this entire CD, well 14 out of 19 tracks. The songs range from upbeat cuts that make you wanna dance to slow and calming pieces that are exquisitely arranged.
My favourite workout/running tracks:
Chunari Chunari
Aaja Nachle (Come On Dance!)
Aaj Mera Jee Kardaa (Today My Heart Desires)
Mehndi/Madhorama Pencha
Baraat
My favourite meditation/relaxation tracks:
Your Good Name
Fuse Box
Good Indian Girls
Hold Me, I'm Falling
Love and Marigolds
Mychael Danna (music composer/producer; scored the film) put together one awesome Punjabi mix with this joint. And the lovely and incredibly talented Mira Nair (director of Monsoon Wedding) just did the dayum thang with the movie. She’s awesome!
This morning I started wondering how I can feel so connected to songs when I don’t even understand the lyrics, and then I recalled how I immediately fell in love with Les Nubians’ music, the lyrics are all in French, and then it dawned on me … music, like beauty, is universal. I thought about the various instruments used to create music and remembered that the voice, regardless of language, is merely another instrument. Thank God for people with beautiful voices.
Finally, as some of you know, I also enjoy indulging in a relatively wide variety of foods from different cultures. I am particularly fond of Indian (Punjabi is da bomb!) and Asian (Thai and Vietnamese are my faves) cuisine. My ex-husband introduced me to Indian food (Thai, Greek and others) over 15 years ago and I’ve been lovin’ it ever since, but over the past few months, I’ve grown addicted to Punjabi food, especially their particular brand of curry dishes with garam masala. For the last four months, I’ve been making everything from Vietnamese Spring Rolls (I add bean sprouts and chicken and make either peanut or fish sauce for dipping) to Punjabi Curried Chickpeas (I add beef or chicken, extra curry, stewed tomatoes, zucchini, sweet potatoes or other veggies and I use only olive oil). And guess what? This weekend, I’ll be puttin’ it down Punjabi style, again … food, music, yoga, Chai tea and all!
Have a great weekend, er'body!
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Randomness: Better Late Than Never
Before I get started I’d like to thank everyone for all the comments, e-mail and phone calls during my hiatus. You guys are just way too kool! *smile* Between now and the weekend I’ll be around to see you guys. Promise!
It’s been 91 days, technically, since I extended my hiatus on March 9 ... 31 days longer than I had initially planned. I had planned on giving this huge report -- why I don’t know considering I’m not into ostentation. I don’t feel much like writing at the moment, not to mention that I’m a bit pressed for time, so this will be a quick and dirty (poorly edited) post. I’ve decided to just hit the highlights for now and in coming days I’ll probably fill in more details as I have the time.
During the last 90 days of my 132-day hiatus, I finally got a chance to exhale and relax quite a bit. I also made more progress with some of my projects, some small, some not so small. Some may even seem a bit trivial to many, but all are significant me. While some are still ongoing, I’ve managed to wrap up a few. Here’s where I am at the moment:
1. I celebrated another birthday on Feb 4. Some of you already knew this, but I never stated it publicly.
2. My “heart-mind” reconciliation occurred during the first week of March. Yippie! After all I’ve gone through, I feel this was worth repeating! I am so overjoyed and grateful that God gave me the strength, courage and wisdom to see the importance of letting go of the negative, destructive behaviours, things and people of my past so that He could bless my future. I’m still working on completely releasing a couple of lingering destructive behaviours, but I’m getting there.
3. I finally managed to re-start my exercise and fitness regimen again. I’m just getting started with this, but things are looking pretty good so far. I started the running training phase this week and am scheduled for about 8 or 9 races/events between July 4 of this year and mid-March of 2006. I’ll be sure to update on my progress.
4. On the domestic front, during mid-March, I had my entire flat freshly painted and new carpet installed throughout. What a difference. I am pleased.
5. On the professional front, as of April 1, I am working as a Foreign Settlements Accountant for a new company, a major international transportation firm. This was one of my main pursuits/projects when I first began my hiatus near the end of January. Generally speaking, my job is to monitor clearinghouse transactions and reconcile intercompany general ledger accounts between our domestic stations and our subsidiary companies in foreign countries. I started out handling the Thailand account and as of this week, I’ve picked up South Korea as well. (When I was finishing my Finance degree at university, I really didn't think I'd ever have an opportunity to use the International Business and International Accounting courses I took.) Best of all, though (and this may sound shallow of me), I received a very hefty pay increase. Imagine that! Needless to say, I am pleased. God is sooooooo good!
6. I will be starting a new web project in the near future – designing a site for a church in St. Louis (my hometown). Designing is something I rarely do anymore, but I am more than pleased to have been chosen to help develop and design this particular project, as I know it will be a labour of love. I'll post a link once it goes live. I’ve also been approached about designing a site for an Atlanta poet. I’m still thinking about that one. I’ll keep you posted.
7. Something else I did a lot of while on hiatus, which may seem insignificant to many, was watch DVDs. Yep! That’s right! Watch movies. Lots of ‘em. Hey, this helped keep me sane during my rough times and has actually become one of my favourite things to do when I have free time. I had never been a big movie buff, so I rarely rented movies or attended theatres, though I go more often now. Needless to say, I was/am way behind.
For years I found foreign films to be more interesting than most U.S. movies, and during my hiatus I realised that I actually prefer them. So, it’s not surprising that roughly half of the movies I’ve seen lately are foreign, mainly Indian (some Bollywood, some independent), Italian, Asian, Hispanic, a few German and others.
Oddly, I had initially thought of setting a goal of watching 100 movies in 100 days, but all things considered, that wasn’t possible. However, I did manage to rack up quite a few in the last four months and I’m still going, albeit at a much slower pace now with all that is going on in my life at the moment. I listed them just in case someone else may be interested. Unfortunately, I didn’t/don’t have time to write critiques of each film, but I did rate them on my personal scale:
5.0 – Totally awesome!
4.5 – Exceptionally good
4.0 – Very good.
3.5 – Pretty darn good
3.0 – Good/Okay
2.5 – Not very good
2.0 – Sucked!
1.5 – Sucked big time
1.0 – They should never have bothered
If you want details, you can look ‘em up online (I use Amazon and Blockbuster). Anyway, here’s a list of what I’ve seen so far.
60 movies in 130 days - exactly and approximately!
1. Def Poetry, Season 1 (4.0)
2. The English Patient (3.5)
3. Before Sunrise (3.0)
4. Before Sunset (3.0)
5. Lagaan – Once Upon A Time in India (5.0)
6. Mississippi Masala (4.0)
7. Salaam Bombay! (5.0)
8. Monsoon Wedding (5.0)
9. Beyond Borders (3.5)
10. Wag the Dog (3.5)
11. Breakfast at Tiffany’s (3.5)
12. Three Faces of Eve (3.5)
13. M. Butterfly (3.5)
14. Love Story (4.0)
15. London Kills Me (3.0)
16. My Beautiful Launderette (2.5)
17. Mad Woman In the Attic (3.0)
18. Love Actually (3.5)
19. Cry Freedom (4.5)
20. My Left Foot (4.0)
21. The Duchess of Duke Street, Vol. 2 (4.0)
22. Gandhi (5.0)
23. Earth (4.0)
24. A Tale of Two Cities (4.5)
25. A Passage to India (4.5)
26. Like Water for Chocolate (4.0)
27. Mother Teresa (4.0)
28. Babette’s Feast (3.0)
29. Mostly Martha (4.0)
30. Two Weeks Notice (3.0)
31. Schindler’s List (4.5)
32. Frida (4.0)
33. Teen Kanya: Two Daughters (3.0)
34. Real Women Have Curves (4.0)
35. Once Upon A Time In Mexico (4.0)
36. Spices (4.0)
37. Girl Interrupted (4.0)
38. Children of a Lesser God (4.0)
39. Chocolat (2.5)
40. Iris (3.5)
41. Into the Arms of Strangers (3.5)
42. The Importance of Being Earnest (3.0)
43. A Room With A View (4.0)
44. The Remains of the Day (4.0)
45. Eat Drink Man Woman (4.0)
46. Malice Aforethought (4.0)
47. Secrets & Lies (4.5)
48. The Joy Luck Club (5.0)
49. Sense and Sensibility (4.0)
50. About A Boy (3.5)
51. Antwone Fisher (4.0)
52. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (3.0)
53. Introducing Dorothy Dandridge (5.0)
54. Carmen Jones (4.5)
55. Mrs. Brown (4.0)
56. American Beauty (3.5 )
57. Mo' Better Blues (4.5)
58. Def Poetry - Season 2 (4.0)
59. Rabbit-Proof Fence (4.5)
60. A Beautiful Mind (4.0)
That’s it for now. There are a few more things, but they’ll have to wait till I have more time. Hope everyone is having a beautiful week. Be back soon.
Namasté
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Introspection: Jus' Learning to Be. . .
became more painful than the risk it took to bloom."
–Anaïs Nin
The above quote (one of my faves) pretty much sums up my life these days. I’m not officially back just yet, but I wanted to let it be known that I plan to be back on Tuesday, June 7. For now, I’ll just say this: My life has changed a tad in recent weeks. Some things have occurred that don’t really deserve mention here, but a few things do, which I will write about and post on Tuesday. Some things I am a bit sad about, but there are certainly more that I can smile about.
In a nutshell, much of life as I knew it before my hiatus has changed/ended. For months I had become something of a stranger in my own scheme of things, but now I see this budding “new me” from a distance, somewhere above my physical self. Like my former self, she's somewhat confused about a few things, but not nearly as many as before. This new self, this new me is a good thing. The best way I can describe her at the moment is that she’s something akin to a newly built computer whose programming has not yet been completed, but she’s getting there. I’m trying to get used to her, but it’s taking a while. I’m still working things out.
See ya in a few days.
Namasté
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Reflection: Still Handlin’ My Bizness
It's been a minute since I was here, 41 days actually. I’ve been really busy lately, especially this week, but I just wanted to pop in and say I'm still among the living. As I go about the task of knitting together the unraveled threads of my life, I am connecting with some lovely, interesting, caring people. Life is becoming more satisfying by the day, replete with increasingly frequent doses of fun and excitement of the healthy and age-appropriate varieties (no more of that immature, reckless, quixotic nonsense for me, thank you!). More on this later, perhaps, but for now I'll just say ... I'm living life and it's beautiful! *wink*
During my hiatus, I began to review my life from a different perspective; reassess my needs, desires and direction; re-evaluate and realign my priorities; and establish new goals. I realise that there is a direct correlation between my continued growth, development and success and how consistently I perform these vital processes. I am committed to do my best with this as I continue my journey of restructuring and living my life genuinely and completely, as it was intended. I’ve determined that my primary mission, above all else, is to be true to my God and myself every step of the way. I’m pleased to say that I am progressing quite nicely.
Though it has taken a while, I’ve managed to make major strides in a couple of key areas, including closing the book on an undeserving personal relationship that I finally recognised was, and is, a complete waste of my time and attention. My heart has been released, the "mind-heart" reconciliation has been achieved, and that person's semi-presence in my life is no longer required or desired. No more constant vacillation, attempting to choose between what is bad and what is potentially worse. It is finished. I am no longer dancing in the ashes of secondhand dreams. I am scripting new realities, conceiving my own dreams, dancing in the rhythmic
beauty of life. I now know without a doubt and am comfortable saying without reservation that, given enough time and intensity, pain truly can be a precursor to change, if you allow it to be. And with this painful, lesson-rich experience now behind me, I vow to never look back.
A few of my pursuits are proving to be more challenging than I had initially anticipated, but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, merely an indication that I need to improve my time and energy management, further refine my methods, and intensify my focus on those activities that will advance my agenda and better serve my needs. I still have a couple of major projects to complete and a few loose ends to tie up that are critically connected to accomplishing my goals, but I'm getting there. To keep things on track and expedite my progress as much as possible, I’ve decided to extend my hiatus a bit longer.
Thank you to my friends and regular visitors who’ve continued to drop by, leave comments, call and send notes. You guys are lovely. I appreciate and miss you all and look forward to interacting on a more regular basis when I return. Take care, everyone. I'll see you in the next 60 days ... exactly and approximately!
:: Peace ::
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Randomness: On Hiatus
I’ll be on a brief hiatus for the next 30 to 40 days. Got some issues to handle and things to make happen, but I will definitely be back. Count on it! I'll have a full report upon my return. Lis, I finally finished the music quiz (below). Sorry it took me so long.
Take care, everyone. I’ll see you on the flip!
First, list your Random 10:
My Favorite Things by John Coltrane
Just In Case by Jaheim
Fur Elise by Mozart
Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac
Long Hot Shower by Bridget Gray
Livin’ It Up by Ja Rule
The Way by Jill Scott
Keep Lookin’ by Sade
The Light by Common
Appletree by Erykah Badu
1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
Not very much; approx. 295 files (1.3 GB).
2. The last CD you bought is:
Can’t remember, but my ex bought me Confidential by Peter White in July ‘04.
3. What is the song you last listened to before this message?
Livin’ It Up by Ja Rule.
4. Write down five songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
Holding Back the Years by Simply Red
For some reason, I don’t know why, this song touched me deeply the first time I heard it many years ago. I believe it’s the music (I think the arrangement is exquisite) and the way he sings the lyrics. I still cry every time I hear this song. Weird!
Love Don’t Live Here Anymore by Rose Royce
This song was in heavy rotation on the radio during the time my first husband was killed in 1978. The music and the lyrics moved me deeply; they spoke to my situation in a unique way. Hearing them always made me cry. They still do sometimes.
Clever by Erykah Badu
In addition to the “keepin’ it real” lyrics, the music is absolutely beautiful. As much as I enjoy the lyrics, I’d like to have a completely instrumental version; the music is just that tight.
Peace by Juanita Bynum-Weeks
This song brings me peace and soothes my soul. It reminds me that the Lord is always for me and loves me regardless of my shortcomings.
Part of My Life by India.Arie
Reminds me to stay focused on what’s really important in a relationship.
5. Who are you gonna pass this stick to (three persons and why)?
Michelle – Because I have no idea what her musical tastes are.
Evelyn – For the same reason.
HAM – Because I’m curious about the five songs that mean the most to him.
EDIT: I forgot to add Miss Rachel to the list. Sooorweee! I got a feelin' her list will be interesting, too.
Man, I sure hope I don't get myself in trouble naming names like this. :o(
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Introspection: The Dance
Little did she know that all that time, under the guise of romance, she was actually rummaging for the love of a father she never had—in yet another man’s bed. Again! Too bad nobody warned her that it would be an endless search. A warning that might have spared her the pain, the humiliation of a hunt that would become the dance of her life. A dance she would perform o-ver and o-ver… in hopes of numbing her pain, filling that empty place in her soul. A place of silent desperation where self-love should be.
Somebody should have turned off those blue lights in that basement that night and handed the girl a flashlight so she could search through the delusions and find what was left of herself—esteem. That part of herself she lost somewhere between Teddy persuading her to turn off the lights and Marvin begging for a little sexual healing.
Fast forward one score and five. The songs are still playing, she’s still dancing the dance. Po’ thang. Evidence of the damage, unhealed wounds, remains.
Who will help her see?
Who will make her understand?
Will somebody please turn off the music so daddy’s girl can stop dancing that damn dance?
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Monday, January 24, 2005
Randomness: Just Thinking
Does it mean he's really serious about her when he not only resists, with all his might, the urge to look flabbergasted as he observes the "woman of his dreams" consume a platter of shrimp & tofu spring rolls large enough to feed the entire nation of Thailand, but continues to give her his undivided attention and TLC? What a man! My skirt’s off to him. It's the little things, actually.
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Randomness: Just Thinking
If you live in Houston and can't seem to find a bottle of Merlot anywhere in the metro area, it's probably because I DRANK 'EM ALL! Just so you know.
No matter how smooth, creative, talented, funny, witty, cute, sexy, clever and/or physically satisfying your significant other may be, if they can't seem to get the other 75% of the relationship right, you might wanna think seriously about getting your money back.
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Reflection: Memories of Triumph
While sifting through more old files last night, I ran across yet another of my personal writings from sometime around the latter half of 2000. If I recall correctly, it was during early fall, perhaps September, but certainly within a few weeks of my return from Jamaica that August. That much I do remember. I suppose I could look for the copyright papers, but the exact date I penned it really doesn't matter to me at the moment. For me, the words are timeless. Regardless of when written, this piece is equally as appropriate, relevant and meaningful to my life today as it was then.
You see, these words performed their magic for me the very moment I began reading them. Words that reminded me of being in a very sad and seemingly unbearable place in the past. But with God's help, I managed to rise! How wonderful to have my inner-strength confirmed by evidence from my own hand. That's all I needed. I am going to be just fine. Yes, I am fine. I am there!
Out of Darkness
Finally, I see!
Darkness has given way
to a wondrously clear light.
I've awakened from the dream,
the illusion of what would never be.
I no longer crave
what you could never give.
Wondering, wishing, believing no more.
All hope has faded into darkness.
Realising the illusion
is sufficient satisfaction.
Lessons have been learned,
mind and heart now at peace.
Where there was once darkness
there is now clarity.
Though mixed memories remain,
the lingering sorrow in my heart is quieted
through my will to remember only the good.
And with time...that, too, shall fade.
My heart, soul and mind
no longer confined.
I am alive again.
Free to love and be loved once more.
For I have stepped out of the sad, sad darkness.
And the best is yet to come!
© 2000 Lynne J.
All rights reserved.
I'm
done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Expression: You're So Nasty - Redux
As I sat here this evening going through some prose and poetry I wrote a few years ago, I decided to re-post one of my favourite pieces. A poem that I performed at my first open mic poetry experience in April 2002. It's one of my favourites because I was in such a pleasant place at the time I wrote it, and I felt good about the person who inspired it.
I dedicate this posting of the poem to my friend, HAM, who was with me at the poetry club that night. He encouraged me to get my butt up on that stage and do my thang. And I did! Remember that, HAM? *smile* Thank you, my friend.
It's you again
on this fiery night
showing your passion
in that sooooo nasty fashion.
Doing those things
you do to me
when we're alone
and no one can see.
You in the buff
finding my stuff
waking my desire
lighting a fire
that only you
can quench.
You've got me dreaming
got me steaming
screaming for more
of what I adore.
Working my body
tasting my honey
moving and gliding
while all the time sliding
your magic tongue
all over me.
Tasting and teasing me
loving and pleasing me.
These awesome sensations
deserve an ovation.
Mmmmmm, you're so nasty.
And I love it!
© 1999 Lynne J.
All rights reserved.
I'm done for now.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Permutation: Newness On Several Levels
It's been a minute since I served up something fresh here at DF, so I'm in the process of remixing the site. In the meantime, rather than wait until I complete and roll out my new creation, I decided to use this simple mini-layout. The last layout, Soñar Azul, had a long run (nearly 14 months), but I needed a change, for several reasons. I believe the new design will more accurately represent my new mood/attitude and better reflect my creative flow. Hopefully it won't be too long in development, but I believe it'll be well worth the wait.
I'm still around, still writing and creating, just in pseudo-hiatus mode at the moment. For those who are regular visitors stopping by to see what's happening in my world, I will continue to update from time to time to keep you posted. So stay tuned for a few new changes in my off-line life, as well.
I'm
done for now.